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Summer Challenge Week 4: Love Evolution

Title: Love evolution
Length: One-shot
A/N: Written for the gacktjob_fics Summer Challenge 2013, week 4. Prompt is evolution.

Summary: You and Gackt have a rather long and rather special relationship. Sometimes You can’t help but think about how his feelings have changed along the way.

You could still remember how it felt when he first met Gackt. There was something amazing and almost otherworldly about the other man, even then. He’d like to say that he’d liked him on the spot, but it wasn’t true. He might lie and say that he had, but that didn’t make it any more true.

The truth was—and he would never admit this to anyone—he had actually detested the singer on sight. On later evaluation, he realized that he detested him for being amazing, the sort of person who would go places in the world of music; places that You longed to go. So, he buried the envy, the dislike, and made friends with him. After all, as a guitarist he’d need more than just him to make a band. And someone like Gackt, well, he could be a rather large part of what would make a mediocre band a great band.

The forming of Cains:Feel, You would later reflect, was something of a first step in his evolving relationship with the enigmatic man called Gackt. The initial dislike that he’d felt softened, until he realized that Gackt really was a good friend.

Other things didn’t pan out so well, however, and Gackt had left him behind and made his way to Tokyo. The jealousy You felt when he first met Gackt returned full force, but this time he didn’t hate the other man. Just envied him as he joined Malice Mizer and worked his way up to success. Envy, You discovered, was a good motivator, so he kept working hard.

That, and he missed Gackt.

It was, You had to admit, one of the lonelier periods of his life.

When he got the call asking him to play for Gackt’s new solo project, he was psyched. The thought that his life was beginning to revolve around Gackt didn’t occur to him until much later, when the damage was already done and Gackt was the centerpiece of his entire existence.

Their relationship seemed different, somehow, when he rejoined his friend. Maybe Gackt had sensed the pivotal sense in his feelings before he had, You couldn’t be sure. If he asked Gackt now, the other man would certainly pretend to have known all along—even if he hadn’t. He could be frustrating like that. Whatever the case, You found himself falling in alongside the other backing members, watching them come and go with some alarm. Maybe he’d just gotten tired of goodbyes, after that day years ago when Gackt had left him for Tokyo.

Even now, You reflected, he still didn’t like to think about that goodbye, so he turned his thoughts back to other matters.

Chachamaru was a welcome addition to the band, a steady and stable friend that You thought he could always count on. Like a real oniisan, he stood by them. Somehow, You knew early on that, of all the GacktJob members, it would hurt the most when Chacha decided to leave. He could only pray that the other man would stick around for a long time. Luckily, Chacha was still there, even now.

As more members left and new ones arrived, however, You found himself less and less affected. He found himself thinking that it didn’t really matter, as long as Gackt was there. If Gackt left again—he never let himself finish that thought. It was really too horrifying to bear.

It wasn’t long after that, that Chacha approached him.

“Hey, you seem different lately, You.” You remembered the other guitarist saying. “Is something bothering you?”

“Not really.” You said, watching Gackt strut about, checking on everything and ordering people about to make sure the stage was ready for tonight.

Chacha gave him a piercing look. “You’ve been staring at him all week.”

“Eh?” You hadn’t realized that.

“You haven’t been acting off otherwise, did you two have a fight?”

You shook his head. “No, nothing like that. Nothing’s really happened at all.”

“So what is it?”

“I don’t know. I didn’t realize I was doing it.” You confessed quietly. Chacha gave him a sympathetic look, almost as if he knew what the problem was, but refused to tell him anything.

It was just a few days later when You had come to the conclusion that Gackt was the center of his life, the sun that he orbited around. How had that happened?

So, he had decided to make himself independent again—not by leaving the band or anything like that, that would have been way too drastic. No, he decided to be more subtle. He’d stop watching Gackt’s every move. He’d hang out with other people. That was his resolve.

In the end he wound up glued to Chacha’s side, watching Gackt from a relatively safe distance as if he were a glass of water offered up to a man dying of thirst. Chacha, for his part, put up with it fairly good-naturedly, although he did give You a few exasperated looks about it. Eventually, even this much of his resolve crumbled (Gackt had invited him to hang out, and You didn’t want him miffed at him for refusing—honest, that was the only reason) and he found himself revolving around Gackt again, as if it were the most natural thing in the world.

He noticed when Gackt’s interest flared in that other singer, Hyde, that it made his chest hurt. Irrationally, he had blamed it on heartburn. Luckily, Chacha hadn’t been around to hear about it, otherwise he was certain that the older man would tease him about it to this day.

It wasn’t until around the Diabolos tour that You started to notice a change in Gackt. The other man seemed more attentive then before. Perhaps he had started to realize a world view where You was particularly important, or perhaps he’d noticed that he was You’s entire world and was just trying to be nice.

“You’re grinning like an idiot again,” Chacha quietly reminded him—in a voice just low enough that Gackt shouldn’t be able to hear him over the other musician he was talking to while sending amused looks You’s way as if to say ‘why am I listening to this guy?’—as he let the rush of Gackt’s attention wash over him.

“Am not.” You retorted, realizing after the fact that he was indeed grinning stupidly at the singer. “Am not,” he repeated lamely.

Chacha roled his eyes. “Do you even know what’s going on inside your head?”

You had assumed it was a rhetorical question and hadn’t answered. Obviously, he knew better than Chacha what was going on in his head. Now he knew better—Chacha had guessed long before he had.

“You know you’re special to me, right, You?” Gackt had asked a few months later. You had gaped at him like a fish out of water for what seemed like an eternity before recovering.

“I... you’re special to me, too.” You had said, and Gackt had given him a mischievous look that said that he knew everything about the guitarist. Things even You didn’t know. Had he been talking to Chacha or something? Even if he asked, You knew that Gackt would probably just pretend to be all knowing and not admit if he’d talked to Chacha, even if he had.

“Is that all?” Gackt teased.

“Of course that’s all!” You had snapped, feeling his stomach churn. Were those butterflies?

Gackt had then leaned over and whispered in his ear, lips and hot breath brushing against his skin, “I think it’s time we stopped playing games.”

“I love you.” You blurted out before he could think better of it. Even now he wasn’t sure when he’d realized that that was how he felt for Gackt—that the long days of longing and sleepless nights had added up to love.

“Good.” Gackt had murmured, “I was hoping you’d feel the same way.”

Removing himself from his thoughts, You noticed that Gackt was standing watching him. “What?”

“Thinking hard about something?” Gackt asked, eyes dancing with suppressed mirth.

“Shut up.” You said.

“Seriously.” Gackt sat next to him. “You looked like your brain was about to explode.”

“Just trying to figure out how we ended up like this.” You explained as Gackt put his arms around him.

“Oh, that’s easy.” Gackt said dismissively. “Natural progression—like evolution. It was the best thing to happen, so it had to happen.”

You rolled his eyes, but snuggled into Gackt’s embrace anyway. “You can be so ridiculous, you know that?”

“But you love me anyway.”

“Fft. Of course I do. You’re Gackt. I was doomed from the start.” Gackt let out a low chuckle at You’s response, and leaned in for a kiss.

“Enough thinking for now.” He murmured, and You silently agreed.


( 4 comments — Leave a comment )
Jul. 27th, 2013 03:27 pm (UTC)
Aww~~ So sweet ^^
Aug. 2nd, 2013 08:12 pm (UTC)
Thanks~ ^^
Jul. 28th, 2013 03:29 pm (UTC)
I love this; so sweet :)
Aug. 2nd, 2013 08:12 pm (UTC)
Thank you :)
( 4 comments — Leave a comment )